Just Sayin

Ever see those actors who are so good at playing crazypants characters that you actually buy into it lock, stock, and padded room? On the flip side, it's obvious isn't it, when an actor isn't fully committed to the part they're playing? All the right words are coming out of their mouth, the actions are on target, but there's something missing - the complete abandon and surrender to the part. When they do it right, the crazy is in their eyes and we're secretly wondering how sane the actor is in real life.

You might be wondering what this has to do with writing. The answer is this: If you want readers to buy into your story, really buy into it, you must buy into it fully while you're writing it.

In a previous blog post I talked about "going there" but during a recent revision I realized I hadn't done that. I'd held back. Why? Well, I think I hadn't fully bought into my story yet as I was writing the first half. The stakes were not high enough, especially compared to the latter half where I had reached a buy-in level. Later, I'd stopped being afraid and it showed.

The disconnect readers were feeling between the two halves made sense. In revising, I see now that when I started the book I was timid about throwing my characters completely into the perilous world that was necessary to keep the mystery and suspense level high, which is so crucial at the start of a story.

Paradox: So, what was I afraid of? I think I was afraid you wouldn't believe me, wouldn't believe in the world I had created. But that fear is the very thing that stopped my story from feeling fully realized. Like the lesser actor, I was chest deep but the crazy hadn't reached my eyes.

I'm now revising the book with full committment to the concept in a way I hadn't previously. Now that I've fully bought in, more dynamic scenes are unfolding. The magic is more believeable. The lesson I keep learning over and over is to abandon my fear while writing, especially the fear that YOU won't believe in it. Fear is a stain on every page and if I let it stop me from fully committing, fully buying-in, how can I then expect you to? If I'm doing my job correctly, my buy-in buys yours.

And if you don't believe me about this whole buy-in theory, just look at Stephen King's eyes.

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Today, I saw a sign!

I say that at the risk of sounding like a nutty mystic who sees meaningful signs in everyday things. So what if I can sieze the most random coincidences and convince myself that they mean I will soon be a published author? Some days you just gotta hang on tight to whatever keeps you afloat. Anyway, while staring out the window, pondering the topic of persistence, I saw a terribly beautiful thing; a yellow butterfly riding a fierce storm.

That butterfly had somewhere to go and didn't seem to care that it was flying in 35-50mph winds that would scare the feathers off most birds. I marveled at the tenacity of such a delicate creature getting thrown about on its journey, battling the external forces that would push it back to the ground and dare it to fly. Of course this was a sign which directly related to me of the journey of the writer and the persistence it takes to succeed.

Talk about flying into the wind! This business is as hard as ever to break into. There are scads of talented writers out there wanting the same thing that you want, competing for the same amazing agents, the coveted attention of the same overworked editors. Rejection is par for the course. It takes courage to persist in the face of those challenges. It takes persistence. We must constantly beat our wings against the word "no".

Every project of mine was my ticket. I was sure. While in the throes of the passionate relationship with that particular book, I believed in it whole heartedly. I see now that each of my projects was a stepping stone, getting me to this moment where I am sure (this time I really am) that this latest work is "the one." Despite that, I've begun another new novel. The point is that I never stop moving forward. No sooner do I finish one project than I begin the next. I never relax. I don't expect the treadmill to move backward, bringing the success to me.

It makes me wonder what's tougher for that butterfly; busting out of it's confining cocoon, or braving the harsh world outside to experience the sweet taste of nectar and the freedom of flight? Either way, it is doing what it must.

I've come to believe this: It is a brave thing to want. An even braver thing to act. And the most brave of all, to persist. To stay the course with your heart as your compass no matter the conditions.

"You've got to say, I think that if I keep working at this and
want it badly enough I can have it. It's called perseverance."
~Lee Iacocca~

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People often ask me why I write. I'm sure there is a brief moment when a bewildered look passes over me. Like... Did you just ask me why I breathe? Why the sky is blue? Only after the confusion of being asked the obvious passes, can I give the question its proper due.

I believe people have many reasons for why they write. I will give you mine.

I know for sure that we were created with a range of emotions and an intense capacity to feel them, for a reason. Not so we can squash them, explain them away, justify them, or box them up. It seems obvious to me that we were created to feel. To experience fully. To dive deep into the waters of emotion rather than skim the surface. This life is ours to live deep and wide. The summits and the valleys. The first heady kiss and the heartache of goodbye. Babies piercing wails and the solemn hushes of funerals. All of it is exquisite because all of it is LIFE.

This is why I write...

I write because I'm certain my role in this life is to chronicle. I'm supposed to be an explorer of the depths. My job is to be unafraid to dive into the vast range of my brief human experience and story it. I'm supposed to prove that you can 'go there' and live to tell the tale. I believe the telling of our stories is the documentation of our existence in a way no archaeological dig can reveal.

It doesn't mean that everything I write is profound. It's often not. Trust me. I write because it is profound for me to do so. Because not writing would pain me. I'd rather feel the sting of things I did do and did express than those I didn't.

I find that with every book I write, there is a moment of decision... a fear will grip me and I have to decide whether to skim the surface or go deep into the uncharted territories of myself and find a way to express the emotion there, no matter how scared it makes me. I now know that 'going there' is really the only choice if the piece is to have meaning and connect.

It's my duty to forge ahead despite my own fears. To find the right way to describe the choking clench of my fear so you might recognize it in yourself when you read and say, "Yes." Perhaps I'll describe the delicate bud of new love and you'll smile with fond remembrance.

"Come with me," I whisper. FEEL.

What are you afraid of? That you'll get hurt? Welcome to Earth. We get hurt here. Afraid you'll lose so you don't even play? Okay then. Cheer me on while I kick and bruise and love deeply. Afriad to feel? So numb yourself. Hide from your true nature. But when you peek out from the shadows, hopefully I'll have written something ro remind you that the marrow of your soul is strengthened from exposure to the depths. Your emotions are dark rooms. Perhaps the words of others will flip the light on in these rooms. Reading the work of others does that for me. My own experience is richer because some brave soul found a way to describe feelings and it touched me. Our stories connect us. I write to be understood as much as to understand.

I write because it's who I am.

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When critiquing the works of others, it's often very easy to identify the strengths and weaknesses of that writer. I have friends who can establish fully alive, believeable, and likeable characters in one page. One friend writes such poetic descriptions of setting that I am immediately immersed in that world. I can see it vividly. Breathe it in. I envy the effortless humor of another friend. Some writers excel at pacing. They are able to play you like a yo-yo. Just a tug, and you're going where they want you to go, feeling what they want you to feel at any given point in the story.

It's from the strengths and weaknesses of other writers that I learn. It's also from honest feedback and a willingness to listen without defensiveness that I learn. The point is: I must learn and I can't do that without knowing my strengths and weaknesses.

Sometimes, I think we're not so capable of seeing for ourselves what those are. That's one of the things that makes critique groups and mentors so helpful. The good ones will tell you what you are doing right, but more importantly, what you are not good at. Having participated in two Nevada SCBWI Mentor Programs, I can tell you, I learned without a doubt what my strengths and weaknesses were (at that moment in time.) Ellen Hopkins and  Susan Hart Lindquist are not ones to sugar coat and I love them for it! I was able to continue doing what I was doing right and improving what I sucked at. Or, at what I sucked. Oh hell. Grammar seems to be a weakness. Anyway...

I do know what elements I LOVE to write. I'm captain of the dialogue glee-club. I adore seeing my characters communicate through dialogue. I love to hear what they are going to say next because the truth is, I don't always know. They surprise me all the time and are FAR wittier than I could ever be. I've been told I'm good at dialogue. So, that's one mark for me in the "strengths" category.

Setting? Yeah, not so much. Since that is the element that I, as a reader, often skim over, I don't find myself incorporating heavy doses of it in my work. I'm a spare writer, often focusing more on the interplay between characters than where the interplay takes place. Does this make it a weakness? In the case of setting, I think it may just depend on the reader. But to neglect it totally would count as a weakness.

I believe I have an inherent understanding of pacing and how conflict and tension play into the pace of the story. I want a story to take me for a ride. But let me clarify; a ride up and down the same exact cookie-cutter street over and over again would bore me to sleep. I want to speed up at times, slow down at others so I can catch my breath. Make some turns. I want to feel rocky tension balanced by calm seas. This is something I "feel" intuitively. Was my last chapter fast-paced? Do we need to bring in some of Marley's No Woman, Don't Cry after the Black Eyed Peas, Pump It?

Plotting? Oh boy, this is my latest dragon to slay. I'm a pilot, so that could explain the 'fly by the seat of my pants' mentality. But every good pilot should have a flight plan or things can go horribly wrong. You could end up trying to land on someone's airstrip-looking residential street rather than the airport runway a flew blocks over. (Um...I'm saying maybe I've known someone who has almost done this.) It helps enormously to have a flight plan. I'm learning this. The hard way. And must concede that a map is not such a bad idea, cause landing in Barstow when you meant to go to Vegas is dissapointing. Just saying.

I am challenged by what I don't do well. Why? Because I want to do everything well, dammit! Obviously, the best case scenario is to be strong in all elements, right? I don't want to have hoppin dialogue in a flat story. I don't want cardboard or cliched characters to wander around in my vividly realized setting. I want to pull all of the elements together in such a way that the reader is so engrossed in the strengths that they never know our dirty little secret; that once upon a time, my weaknesses outnumbered my strengths.

Knowledge is power and hopefully, I'm tipping the strength/weakness scale in my favor the more I write. Are you?

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When you have a new story idea, it overtakes you with the rush of possibility. You are enchanted with the allure of the shiny new thing. It is an unmarked map, wide open with options. Which roads will you take? In which direction will you go? You commit to it, rush in with the abandon of a smitten lover.

But, somewhere down the line, you may find yourself disenchanted with the story, the characters, or your own writing weaknesses. You think your story blows.

Inevitably, I go through this dilemma in the middle of my manuscript, when the initial excitement and falling in love phase has worn off. I am stuck in a place where flaws and irritating habits are becoming very apparent. I think every writer, at some point, feels like the story they are currently working on sucks like the ashes of a burning outhouse. This disenchantment can derail you, make you give up. Don't let it.

Think of your initial vision. What excited you about this story in the beginning? What spark lit a fire in you that was strong enough to begin the arduous and courageous task of writing an entire story about it? It's possible that you've strayed from that original vision, forgotten what it was that first turned you on. Try to remember that first attraction and hold to that.

It's not a sprint. It's a marathon. It's easy to start off strong. But have the faith in yourself and your abilities that you can go to the finish line. That's not to say that every story is meant to be finished. With enough searching, you might find that this particular story just wasn't right for you. But you've got to log some serious miles in those shoes before you throw in the towel. Earn your right to give up.

Only you can tell that story. Sure, there are a handful of archetypes and about thirty plots to explore. But nobody has the unique perspective you have. No one has had the same life experiences, in the same order, with the same parents, and the same bitch giving you a hard time in high school. I'm just sayin. You are uniquely qualified to tell your story in a way that no one else is. Remember that.

While I do believe that a writer needs to feel the emotions they hope the reader will feel, it's not realistic to be besotted with your story one hundred percent of the time. Warm fuzzies are cyclical. There are times when you must force yourself to focus on the initial attraction, on what first drew you to this new thing. Like any relationship, the one with your book will require you to ignore the annoyances and boredom and push forward until you find out what a gem you really have. Because, how can I get to the end of your book if you don't?

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During a recent online chat, we discussed social media. Paradoxical isn't it, spending an hour on a social media site, questioning the value of spending our time on social media sites? Is it a good use of our time and energies? How might it best be used by writers to promote themselves and their work in an era where we are expected not just to write, but also to play a major part in the promotion of our work. It was a great discussion.

Admission: I spend sick amounts of time on social media sites. Much of that time could be better spent, no doubt. But I'm strangely addicted to the ever widening community of personalities who either fascinate or inform. I love following people who can be both inspirational and irreverent, often within the same hour! It is like a box of chocolates...and sometimes, you get more than you bargained for. 

If you happen to follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you know that I have a lot to say about a lot of stuff. My tweets and status's are as mercurial as my moods. It's a fine line between being "real" and being "appropriate" on these sites. I tiptoe across that tightrope every day and I'm sure I lean too far on the real side pretty often.

The truth is, I'm far less entertaining in person because I haven't had five minutes to think up a brilliant or pithy comment. I'm sure I often have a mildly glazed look about me because I'm busy processing. The web is simply awesome for my brain speed. Hey, it takes forethought to be spontaneously clever!

Let's face it, most of us started on social networking sites to reach out, connect, and feel a greater sense of community. There's no doubt that the ripple in the pond of my life is ever expanding because of my participation on these sites.

I'd be lying if I said I don't hope to be able to plug my future books using social media. But, I recognize that there is also a fine line between being a shameless self-promoter and an interesting person who just happens to have a book you might like to read. Word of mouth is a powerful tool and social sites are like one big, worldwide cocktail party.

The best advice I've been given about using social media is to be a giver. I share links to other people's websites and blogs. I talk about books I love. I have introduced people who might benefit from knowing each other. The net is not a mountain where we use others to climb to the top. It's a stream, people. A constantly moving, ever-churning stream. It doesn't hurt to tie our floaties together and kick like hell.

(Note to the people who use these sights solely to promote themselves...you are the outclass of social media. Pariahs. Nobody likes to be sold 24/7. Just sayin.)

As for being real...I write for teens. Being real is a prerequisite for cred. I hope someday my writing will be bound between the covers of a gorgeous book, held and enjoyed by teens and adults alike. I realize and hope that people will look me up to see who I am and what I have to say. So, do I skew my comments to be p.c.? Or, do I keep it real?

On the whole, I'd rather be authentic. That doesn't mean I'm going to tweet about doing crack (which I've never done, btw). But, I have been in a room full of crack-heads and let me tell you, zombies DO exist! I could tell you stories...but I digress.

Ultimately, for me, social networking feeds an essential need. I want to be known. And okay...liked, for who I am. I suppose that's also why I write. To share a piece of myself in the hopes that someone feels something, that someone out there understands. It's not always pretty. It's not always p.c., or funny. But damn it, it's always real.

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